Being a great educator is NOT about helping students when YOU feel like it

Most educators, coaches, and even parents get this wrong. They jump in at the first sign of struggle. But let me tell you something: Struggle is where growth happens.

Imagine this: You’re at your kid’s soccer game. He’s trying to figure out how to dribble past two defenders. You shout, “Go left!” or “Pass it now!” What happens? He looks at you like, “Really? I got this.” And guess what? He learns nothing because you stole the moment. You took away his chance to solve the problem.

Education works the same way.

If we don’t let people wrestle with problems, they never own their struggles—and they definitely won’t own their solutions.

Here’s the game-changer:

 Support doesn’t mean stepping in. It means stepping back until they’re ready to ask.

I call this Just-in-Time Support. It’s not about explaining faster or earlier. It’s about making the RIGHT intervention at the RIGHT moment.

When I explain this to people, they tell me:
“But Rob, my pupils never ask.”

 And I say: That’s probably because they don’t feel it’s important to them yet—or you’re not reflecting on the learning process with them.

Here’s the truth: 9 out of 10 times, they don’t need help solving the problem in front of them. They need to understand why the problem matters. This is something we need to secure before they start. If they can’t connect it to something meaningful, they’ll drop it the second it gets hard.

Motivation doesn’t come from forcing the task; it comes from helping them see why the task matters to them. And once that clicks, they’re far more likely to push through the struggle.

When I started holding back and creating space for reflection, something incredible happened:

→ Students started finding solutions on their own—and shocking me with how creative they were.

→ They began collaborating with peers to fill gaps.

→ And when they genuinely needed my help, I had the time and clarity to give them the best possible answer.

Want to make a real impact? Control your urge to jump in. Give people space to grow into the problem, understand why it matters, and then offer your solution.

When was the last time you realized you helped too soon? Or maybe you saw an opportunity for more reflection?